I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
