just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
