Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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