yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
