Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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