I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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