dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
lol hangovers are for mortals.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
