Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
