Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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