Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize