My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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