Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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