Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
