I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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