you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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