Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
