my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
