I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
