White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All the doctor said was why
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
