my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
