It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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