Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
