Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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