When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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