I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
