I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
