if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
