I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
