i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
