Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
