they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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