It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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