My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
