I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
