Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
