i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize