I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
