it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
