My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
