I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
