ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize