I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
