i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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