literally had 100 drinks last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
