so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
