No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize