I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
did i walk over a car last night?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
