Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
