I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
