I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
