i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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