Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
