Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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