Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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