She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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