im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
