I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
