Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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