Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
