Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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