goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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