Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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