I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
