drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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