Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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