I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
