I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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