College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Are we still banned from the library?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
