"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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