I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You ruined the universe
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
