My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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