I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We are all done wearing pants today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
