Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize