I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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