Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize