Sry I called you an 8
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
