my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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