So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
