i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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