she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
