There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
