There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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