It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
