"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
