i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's never too late to be topless.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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