Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Damn victory sex feels great
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
