Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
