9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
