i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
