And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
