i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
