apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
