omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
