Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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