Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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