Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i love accidental penises.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
