what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
