dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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