There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize