I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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