it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
