I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
