im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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